The Cabin in the Woods - Monster Mash
by Tyrannodrone475
Summary: So this is my view of what'd happen if...What if you summoned multiple Monsters at once? -I'm horrible at these kinds of stories, but I'm not saying to go soft-


Fall leaves crunched under Jane's feet. She and her 4 friends; Mary, Jake, Zach and Alex had gone to Mary's aunt's remote cabin in the woods for the weekend. However, the creepy gas attendant back in the gas station wasn't the best part of the trip. However, it was worth it, 3 days of fun, love and insanity, all on their own. Something seemed pretty off about how everything was going, and she decided to ignore it. This would prove to be a mistake….

The door was slammed open to reveal the cabin's interior – Basics, fireplace, several bedrooms, kitchen, bathroom, the works. However, the wolf head trophy on the wall seemed to seriously freak Zach out. There was a patch of wood planks that seemed a little higher than the others on the floor.

''Hey guys…'', Jake murmured, '' This cabin is freaking me out….why are there multiple bedrooms if only your aunt and uncle lived here..?''

''Don't be a baby, Jake'', Mary said. However, that question had been nagging at the back of her mind as well, but she wasn't about to admit it.

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''Everything is going according to plans, the lambs have passed the gate, they have come to the killing floor…'', Mordecai grumbled through the microphone.

''Are you just going to keep saying that shit over and over until you die?'', asked Hadley.

Sitterson chuckled. He had no idea how the Story Department had found this old coot, and he didn't exactly want to find out the answer. He glanced over at the betting board, before remembering.

''Alright folks, last chance to bet! This cash wad isn't going to win itself!'' Sitterson shouted, before pausing.

''Whoa whoa whoa, Maintenance, why do you vote for the same thing every year? For this year, change your vote or it doesn't count'' Sitterson said to the Maintenance team. Maintenance sighed, erased their name, and put it somewhere else on the board.

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Jane sauntered over to the living room to dance with the rest of the group, before a loud ''thwang!'' echoed through the Cabin. The unusual slightly taller planks had swung up, revealing a cellar of sorts. The group looked at each other simultaneously, before slowly starting to head inside. There hundreds of weird artifacts on tables throughout the cellar; a white mask, a tapestry with a faded unicorn on it, a diary, film reels, a wedding dress, a rocking horse, a chunk of rock, a foreign dagger, and many, many more. Zach picked up the diary, and called everyone over…..

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Maintenance were glaring holes into Sitterson now, they had certainly missed their chance of winning for listening to ''Mr. Control''. However, the teenager stopped reading the diary….

Zach had stopped reading up to the point to ''husband's bulge''. He beaned the book over a table, and it crashed into a chest full of gas masks and tonics.

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A monitor instantly switched to the cube prisons, where the Buckners and Mutants winced in pain over the maltreatment of their items. Sitterson was twinged with annoyance by now, nobody before had hurt their Monsters like that.

''Send a Wrangler Bio-Med Assistance squadron to Elevators….057 and 453.'' Sitterson mumbled through the microphone, voice tinted with stress.

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A loud ''PAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRPPPP'' echoed through the cabin's cellar. Now twice..thrice…10 times in a row before Jake was calmed down, and stopped from blowing the conch shell.

''You could go deaf from all that noise!'', Zach yelled.

''Well SORRY, Mr. Wants To Go Home!'', yelled back Jake, who pushed Zach into a table, vibrating a snakeskin, a rubber lizard, and a surgical knife…

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From the lake, 10 large hairy and flabby forms appeared swimming towards the Cabin…..a gigantic serpentine shadow slinked towards the cabin as well….scaly humanoid footprints were beginning to be made in a track trail towards the Cabin…3 humanoid figures began slowly strutting towards the Cabin's light…it was a new event…

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The Control room had gone silent. Never, in the history of the American Branch, had multiple Monsters been summoned. It was an honor…a milestone…

''WE HAVE WINNERS!'' shouted Sitterson, ''Zoology, identify our Monstrous victors!''

A woman in a lab coat stood up and began to speak, Sitterson quieting the room.

''10 Mermen….'', Hadley shouted in excitement so loud it hurt the Zoology Woman's ears, '' the Giant Snake…Reptilius….and the Doctors!''

Maintenace roared in outrage. They were so stupid in choosing the Dismemberment Goblins. Who would open a Chinese box full of comic books? Nobody, that's who.

''Zoology, Hadley, Wranglers, and Ronald the Intern, you split the pot!'' yelled Sitterson, before slowly giving out the equal wads of cash.

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''We've got a perfectly good lake, and we don't swim!?'' yelled Zach, before grabbing Mary and shoving her into the lake, and falling in himself. They laughed, but Mary punched Zach in playful annoyance.

''Marco''

''Polo''

''Marco''

''Pol—'' Mary suddenly disappeared under the water, hidden from view.

''Mary?...Mary?...MARY?''

Mary's hair slowly began showing up under the water, Zach yanked it up to see her…..and got half her body from the stomach up. Zach screamed, before shoving the corpse back in. He slowly saw blurs swimming at him, before a toothy maw enveloped his face, and shoved him under…

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Hadley grinned in drunken happiness as the blood spurted into the air like a geyser from one of the Mermen's blowholes from underwater. Finally, the Mermen had been picked…emphasis on MerMEN, due to the betting board's listing, he only thought there was A Merman. This was a whole lot better.

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Jake looked out the window towards the lake, just in time to see the geyser go back under the water. Jake rubbed his eyes, and saw the regular water, but there was a strange tint to it….he decided to investigate.

''Alex, get your ass over here, you need to come outside!'', yelled Jake.

Alex was about to refuse, but there was a sudden change of air, a strong smell, then he agreed and headed outside. Jake noticed the smell of meat, and noticed it emanated from the lake. He dipped his hand inside, and ended up picking up a surprise.

''HOLY SHIT'', he yelled, as he dropped Zach's forearm. It had been basically torn off…no, BITTEN off. But what could've done that? There are no sharks OR crocodiles or gators in this area. As if karma wanted to answer his question, a webbed hand latched onto his calf. Both young men yelled as the Mermen began emerging from the lake. Alex was suddenly pounced on by a Merman, and was dragged away. Jake began running back to the Cabin…

The grenade exploded, killing the Merman, and setting off a fire in his legs…severing them. He yelled in pain…before spotting 3 human figures walking towards him, in doctor gear.

''Oh please, th….'' The thankfulness died In his throat, as their smocks were covered in blood, and their eyelids were somehow sewn shut.

''Do not fear us'', they spoke in unison, ''We are the cure''. On the mark of ''cure'', they began cutting into Alex's ribcage, removing organs and placing them in their black medical bag. The last thing Alex felt was a scalpel plunging into his jugular…

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The progress was going well so far…the Whore, Scholar and Fool were down for the count, however, so was a Merman, who was getting a funeral on Tuesday by Hadley's forced request. Sitterson grinned at the thought of burying a Merman….there weren't many Monsters killed in the line of Ritual duty. Only a Doctor, said Merman, 2 Zombies, and a Dismemberment Goblin.

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Jake slammed the door shut as soon as he got in. ''BARRICADE, BARRICADE NOW'', he ordered.  
''Why? Where's Alex, Zach, and Mary?'' Jane asked.  
''They're GONE, now help me barricade!'' replied Jake.  
''What? I'm not leaving without them!'', she yelled back, and opened the door….to the Doctors, 3 Mermen, and Reptilius. A Doctor casually tossed her Alex's arm. She instantly slammed the door, activated the locks, and ran to her room. However, a side of the Cabin suddenly exploded open, revealing the Giant Snake's gaping maw. The force threw Jane into a wall against her room, knocking her out cold. Jake ran over to her, but then a Doctor's hand burst through the glass window, and dragged him outside. The night was given the sound of Jake's screaming and the maniacal cackling of Doctors, gargle of Mermen, hiss of Snakes, and the roar of Reptilius.

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''—As it ever was'', Hadley echoed the end of Sitterson's prayer. The Ritual was complete. However, the real bitch would be capturing the Monsters back…eh, they had Wranglers for that. 


End file.
